just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
