Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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