uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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