This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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