google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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