wat bout pragnant strippers??
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
