im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
