we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
