I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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