I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
