my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
