either way he was missing a nipple.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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