i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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