he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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