Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
