What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
