just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
