fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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