PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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