what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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