Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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