god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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