i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
