If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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