i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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