No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
