i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
