I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
