Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
