4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize