Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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