Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
