Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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