I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
