i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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