i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
