I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
