I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
birth control should be required to get into college
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"