i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
