so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
