holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
