when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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