i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fuck appropriateness.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
