You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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