Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
worst night to have a conscience
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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize