do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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