My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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