I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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