Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
