it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's the barista slut.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
