Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
