I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
