She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
