ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
