remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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