your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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