Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
