I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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