Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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