cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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