Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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