I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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