I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They took my balls.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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