WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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