He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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