i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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