I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
