I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
