Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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