I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
