did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My pussy is not your playground.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You are the jesus of drinking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
