Someone shit on the floor
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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