Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
