I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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